Your wounded soul will keep you from living God’s purpose for your life. I know, because it almost kept me from mine. When I started this blog, I mentioned that writing didn’t come easy for me and it’s been true. For the past two months, I’ve had writer’s block. It came so suddenly and, in my weakness, God led me back to His Word. ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Corinthians 12:9). Even when the words wouldn’t come, He was still speaking.
God has delivered and healed so many areas of my life, I hardly know where to begin. The beginning isn’t the start for me—the true beginning of my life was when I gave my heart to Jesus. That’s when He took my broken pieces and, layer by layer, began to heal them.
As a child, trauma entered my life, and secrets were kept. For years, they stayed buried deep within my soul, creating a wound so deep I began to believe that’s just who I was. I thought God had created me this way—with fear, anger, confusion, insecurity, depression, and no real hope for the future.
In high school and into my twenties, I carried those wounds quietly. I thought if I could just find the right guy—someone who would love me, choose me, and protect me—then everything inside me would finally feel whole. I believed marriage would give me purpose. But behind the scenes, I was numbing the pain. I hid my wounds behind alcohol, laughter, and staying busy with work, anything to avoid the silence that reminded me I was still broken. The truth is, I was searching for a Savior in someone who was just as broken as I was.
That pain led me to control everything around me—no one could tell me anything. I struggled deeply in my senior year, and that’s when my life took a turn that would shape the years to come. I carried regret from that season for so long, constantly replaying my mistakes. In response, I tried to control every detail of my life so I’d never fail like that again. But in doing so, I wasn’t living in freedom—I was building a life of fear. I was working to create my own version of security instead of surrendering and living my life for God.
‘There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.’ (Proverbs 14:12) I thought I was protecting myself, but I was only delaying the healing God wanted to give me.
By trying to live my life while hiding behind fear and insecurity, I rushed into doing what everyone around me was doing—working, getting married, partying, having kids, and chasing money. I wasn’t following purpose; I was following pressure. I fell for the wrong guy, obsessed with appearing perfect and keeping up the image. I kept the secrets well, just so people would say, ‘Look at her—she turned out so successful.’ But deep down, I was exhausted. I was building a life that looked good on the outside while silently crumbling on the inside.
Even in that painful relationship, God planted something beautiful—my oldest daughter. Through her, He gave me the courage to walk away and the strength to start again. And in time, in His mercy, God brought my husband into my life—not to fix me, but to begin showing me what real love looked like. A love that was patient, that didn’t demand performance, that mirrored Christ more than I realized at the time. It wasn’t perfect, but it was planted by God. And it would become part of my healing story.”
But there was still a deep place in me that hadn’t been touched. What I couldn’t see back then was that the pain I never spoke about—the sexual abuse I buried deep inside—was still shaping how I saw love, affection, and myself. Unhealed, I began chasing attention, mistaking physical affection for love. I thought if someone wanted me, I was worth something. But that was never God’s design for love or for me. His love is healing, pure, and safe—and I didn’t know it yet, but He was already pursuing my heart.”
There’s more to this story. In my next post, I’ll share how Jesus began to rewrite what love really is—and how He gently started restoring the woman He always intended me to be…
GP