“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
One of the hardest things I’ve had to face in my walk with God is learning to control my emotions instead of letting them rule me. For a long time, I didn’t see emotional reactions as battlefields. I thought they were just who I was, my personality, being a Latina woman, my passion. But over time, the Holy Spirit began to show me that unchecked emotions can quickly become a place of control, distortion, and exhaustion. When emotions lead, truth often follows at a distance.
Fear made me assume, Hurt made me withdraw, Anger made me speak words I later had to repent for, and sadness made me question God’s timing and intentions. I wasn’t trying to be disobedient, I was trying to survive.
But emotions when left unsubmitted, have a way of rewriting narratives. They fill in silence with accusation. They interpret waiting as rejection. They convince the heart that protection comes from control rather than trust.
What I’ve learned often through tears and repentance is that God is not asking me to suppress my emotions. He is asking me to bring them under His authority.
This realization has taken me back to where it all began. I come from a family who speak loud, listens to the tv loud, plays music loud, lives life loud. Growing up emotions were expressed and felt deeply. Some of those not so healthy. I learned to speak from my emotions not from truth or wisdom, so as I got older, I struggled. Writing this is taking me back to the girl that was afraid to speak in public, afraid to be on stage, and within the walls of her room, depressed and overwhelmed.
She felt everything so intensely that she didn’t know how to separate what she felt from what was real. Fear became a filter. Rejection became her expectation. Silence felt like abandonment. And control felt like safety.
But that girl didn’t know that God was already pursuing her.
She didn’t know that one day He would take those same deep emotions and transform them into compassion, discernment, and intercession. She didn’t know that the very sensitivity that once made her feel weak would become a strength in the Kingdom. She didn’t know that the voice she was afraid to use would one day encourage women, mentor girls and speak truth with authority.
But this week, God took me even deeper.
He showed me that although He had healed many parts of my heart, there were still places where my emotions were quietly sitting on the throne. I didn’t see it as control. I thought I was being wise, protective, and discerning. But the Holy Spirit began to uncover something I had never fully faced before.
When my husband wasn’t around, when there was silence, when there was distance, fear would arise. And without realizing it, I would try to regain control through my thoughts, my words, my reactions, and even my decisions. I wanted clarity. I wanted security. I wanted peace. But instead of trusting God, I was trying to manage outcomes.
This week, the Lord revealed that what I called “discernment” was often fear. What I called “wisdom” was sometimes control. And what I called “strengthen” was actually self protection.
He showed me that deep in my heart there was still a lack of trust not only in my husband, but in Him.
That revelation broke me. Becuase I realized that emotional control was not protecting my marriage; it was exhausting it. My reactions were creating pressure instead of peace. My assumptions were building walls instead of connection. And my need to understand everything was keeping me from surrender.
But in His mercy, God did not expose this to shame me. He exposed it to free me.
Through repentance, prayer, and the Courts of Heaven, I began to renounce fear, control, and every agreement I had made with the lie that I had to manage my marriage to keep it safe. I surrendered my need for answers. I surrendered my timelines. I surrendered my right to control outcomes. I had already gone through deep repentance and deliverance, and I knew God was doing a work in me.
But this week, the Lord took it even further.
Through divine appointment, my coach and mentor stood with me in prayer, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, she broke off what I now recognize had been a stronghold over my life for years. There was a breaker anointing in that moment. It was not about her, it was about the authority of Jesus and the grace of God. He used her obedience as a vessel for my freedom.
What I had been fighting in cycles, God dismantled in a moment.
Something lifted. The pressure, the striving, the constant need to analyze and protect began to fall away. I felt supernatural peace settle in my heart, not because my circumstance changed, but because my posture did. For the first time, I understood that surrender is not weakness its warfare. Trust is not passive it is powerful
And as I sat with the Lord after this breakthrough, He led me to Hebrews chapter 7. I began to see something I had never fully grasped before. Jesus is not distant from my struggles. He is not waiting for me to get it together. He is my High Priest, constantly interceding for me, standing before the Father on my behalf. The freedom I experienced this week was not because I finally became strong enough, but because He never stopped praying for me.
If you are a woman who struggles with emotional outbursts, control, fear, or the exhausting need to manage everything around you, I want you to know this: there is healing. There is freedom. You are not broken beyond repair. God is not frustrated with you He is pursuing you. What feels like weakness today can become strength in His hands. What feels like chaos in your heart can become discernment, compassion, and authority.
This is only the beginning of my healing journey, and I invite you to walk it with me. I will be sharing more of what God is teaching me, the victories, the struggles, and the practical ways He is transforming my heart.
If this spoke to your heart, you are not alone. Healing is possible, and God is faithful to finish what He starts in us. I invite you to follow my journey here at Honey in the Wilderness as I share the victories, the struggles, and the freedom God is bringing in every area of my life. Let’s walk this road of surrender and healing together.
You can also connect with me on Facebook at Redeemed Bee, where I will be sharing encouragement, prayer, and videos that point back to what God is doing in this season.
💜Gabriela Parrott