Lessons of Faith and Resilience: A Mother’s Journey

James 1:5-6 NLT If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ⁶ But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.

When John and I met, I was doing all the right things the wrong way. I was focused on working and providing rather than depending on our only source, the Holy Spirit. I am not saying that working and providing is wrong, I am saying the way that I was doing it was wrong. Sofia was 3 years old and for her first years, I worked two jobs and was not in her life for most of the day. I spent days working while she spent the day with my mom. When I had a day off I would sleep and she would spend some mornings by herself watching TV next to me. I was angry, tired and remorseful because I did not have the energy to just sit with her. I was focused on the material things and what Mexican society kept telling me I needed to have to be fulfilled. A nice home, a husband, a job, nice clothes, attend church, celebrate birthdays in a big way, home cooked meals and be joyful. No time for depression, crying or complaining. I had to accept the life that God gave me. It was exhausting and I didn’t know how to depend on God. Our strength and wisdom comes from God, it’s what Proverbs 31 says. We as women can do all through Christ who gives us the wisdom and strength to be available for our families. I was focused on the world and because of that I considered myself weak at the time, wanting to prove to people that I was capable do it on my own but in reality I was scared to fail. I was focused on money and showing people that I was happy when I wasn’t and at the same time guilty for not being available for my daughter.

 I was brought up in a catholic household but my faith comes from my abuelita Cachi, she inspired me daily. She lost my grandfather from tuberculosis when dad was only 14 years old. She had to provide for her 6 children after his death and had no time to make excuses. My memories of her are wearing bathing suits that she had made for me, watching her pray the rosary before bed, slicking my hair back into breads and waking up next to her. Oh and her cooking, yum! There wasn’t anything she couldn’t do. The neighbors would come to her for alterations and other things she made. Sharing a bed with her, I learned from her and felt safe with her. Later in life as a single mom, I would pray and ask God to make me like her and even years later after getting married, I would continue to ask God to give me the strength to keep going just like her . I fixated on wanting to be like her, I didn’t know how to be a mom and do all the things that my mother and her would do. All the cooking, cleaning, being available for the kids. It was all laborious to me and the comparison drained me. I thought of myself lazy and not fit to be a mom. All lies from the enemy that I had believed and led me to start drinking to “relax”. That part of my life is something that I don’t like to talk about because it was a time that I was at my lowest after overcoming a toxic relationship, always comparing myself and trying to find who I was. In my search of finding myself and providing for my daughter, God sent John into my life and life became harder and beautiful at the same time. I didn’t know then but God was getting ready to transform me into a woman of faith and strength just like her.

on to the next chapter

GP